Aug. 11, 2025
Power & Partnership: Love, Legacy, and the Industry w/ Kilaa & Terrance "Cool Nutz" Scott
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Podchaser DRPS6E8 Episode 8 | Power & Partnership: Love, Legacy, and the Industry w/ Kilaa & Terrance "Cool Nutz" Scott | Dirty Roses Podcast
Get ready to be inspired! In this episode, Leigh LaRie and Nik B. welcome a real-life power couple and two of their dearest friends, Kilaa and Terrance “Cool Nutz” Scott. They open up about their beautiful and hard-won journey in love, life, and legacy.
Discover the surprising origin of their love story, from a friend's setup to a pivotal moment over Popeye's and a first date that took place at Chuck E. Cheese. Kilaa and Terrance share their secrets to navigating two demanding and different careers—Terrance as an international music icon and manager, and Kilaa as a healthcare guru and community advocate. They offer candid insights on balancing family life, handling conflict, and the importance of faith and patience in building a successful, long-lasting partnership.
Episode Highlights & Timestamps: [00:00:00] Intro & Welcome with Kilaa & Terrance "Cool Nutz" Scott.
[00:02:00] The famous Luster’s hair story from Leigh's childhood.
[00:04:30] Leigh's hilarious first encounter with the "Cool Nutz" legend.
[00:09:00] The origin of their love story: Monique, MySpace, and a single-word message.
[00:15:00] The Popeye's call that won Terrance's heart.
[00:18:00] The Chuck E. Cheese date that showed Kilaa he was "the one".
[00:23:00] Navigating two demanding careers and the "ebb and flow" of support.
[00:28:00] Handling conflict and learning to argue as a couple with different upbringings.
[00:32:00] Kilaa's perspective on being a "celebrity wife" and sharing her husband with the world.
[00:37:00] Terrance on leveraging his platform to support Kilaa's mission for health equity.
[00:41:00] The truth about Kilaa's "Grammy-nominated" singing career.
[00:44:00] The craziest things Terrance has witnessed on the road: watching greatness happen.
[00:51:00] Terrance's journey from "Portland rapper" to a music industry icon.
[00:58:00] Their advice for couples: take "perfect" out of the equation.
[01:05:00] The foundational importance of faith, accountability, and grace.
[01:10:00] Thanking the guests & celebrating Kilaa's recent "Woman of Impact" award.
[01:15:00] Nebula 9 Vodka & Dirty Roses Podcast Updates.
Loved this episode? Don't forget to subscribe and leave us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Want to see the video? Watch this episode on YouTube!
Guests: Kilaa Scott: Instagram: @KilaaScott
Terrance “Cool Nutz” Scott: Website:
Instagram: @CoolNutz
Season 6 Sponsors: Nebula 9 Vodka Website:
IG: @Nebula9Vodka
Where to buy:
https://nebula9vodka.com/pages/where-to-buy
Drinks Handcrafted by: Pridefully Poured Website:
IG: @PridefullyPoured
Product Highlight: Scent 2 Be Candles Website:
IG: @Scent_2_Be_Candles
Producer & Editor: Kenny X. Hamlett Website:
IG: @BetterDaysWest
Your Podcast's Social Media: Follow Leigh LaRie: @LeighLaRie on all platforms
Follow Nik B.: @NikB_NikB on Instagram
Follow Dirty Roses Podcast: @DirtyRosesPodcast on all platforms
#DirtyRosesPodcast #KilaaScott #CoolNutz #PowerCouple #MarriageGoals #MusicIndustry #FamilyFirst #HustleAndHeart #RelationshipAdvice #BlackLove #Faith #CommunityAdvocate #PodcastInterview #DirtyRoses #LifeLessons
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I'm Lila Rhee.
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And I'm Nick B.
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Listen, we're just two single girls from the city of Roses discussing all things love, lust, and perception.
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And roses are a symbol of all things beautiful about love.
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But as you know, love can get a little dirty. So we're here to talk about it.
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Dirty Roses Podcast starts now.
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Hey, I'm Wheelerie.
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And I'm Nick B.
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And welcome to Dirty Roses Podcast. Guess what we doing? What are we doing? We are one of our very good friends from childhood who missed our reunion show. By the way, I ain't gonna call no names or nothing, you know what I'm saying?
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But it is the only other young lady at this table.
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Whatever. She knows what she did. But I am so excited because if you have seen on social media at all ever in the past several years, I have made mention to this story, and she's about to kill me because she's like, I didn't tell you to do that. But I'm gonna tell the story anyway. Listen, I went to a private school, and I convinced my mom to let me go to a public school. And I was so happy because I was like, I get to be around black people. I'm excited, right? But it was the mixed girl in me that didn't know quite how to do my hair yet. So I get there, and all the black girls are like, girl, you should do this. Cause I have a little fuzzy ponytail. So this particular individual was like, girl, just put some water and lusters in your hair. And I was like, okay. So I did it. And I came to school a hot, greasy mess because I didn't know how. How to distribute it properly. I didn't know how to melt it. You know, nothing. So it was. I just slapped the lusters on, and if y' all know, Luster's pink lotion was like, the old school thick moisturizer with water. With water. So I get to school the next day, and she's like, girl, you should just put it in the microwave. And I was like, what? I was like, okay. So I go home, and I'm like, trying to figure out how to, like, put my hair in the microwave without putting my hair, like, you know. Cause I can't close my eyes.
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And shut the door.
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And shut the door. So I'm like, you know, putting my hair in. I'm closing the door. I'm like, not enough of my hair's in the microwave. So I go back to school, and I'm like, girl, I can't do it. And she's like, just take it off and put it in the microwave. And I was like, this is my real hair. And she was like, oh, that's your real hair.
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So microwaving the hair, it was.
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But if y' all see the microwave with the rollers, it was a thing back in the day that I missed until I got to be an adult. And I was like, oh, I didn't know that was a thing. And clearly my hair, it's just a mess. I should have fit in the microwave.
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I don't know.
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Now we know.
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Now we know. But we've got our dear friend Keila here in the building, and I'm going to tell the story that he doesn't even know I know this story. Okay.
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Oh, my gosh.
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So at Grant, I think it might have been my freshman year. I don't know. But it was, like, close to the end of school day, and someone was like, cool Nuts is performing in the auditorium, and I swear to you, I cannot wait. What the fuck is a cool nut? I was like, why is this?
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Why is a cool nut?
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Why are we a cool nut? And I'm like. I'm thinking, like, the ranch cool nut chick. You know, the little things. And I'm like, yeah, the corn nut. And so I was like, is it a talking chick? Like, I don't know what's happening? So I go there, and he's on stage, and he's doing his thing, and he's, you know, walking back and forth, and the whole crowd's like, yeah, we're off the front. It's like all 50 of us in the front of the stage, and we're like, yeah. And I'm like, yeah. Cool Nuts had no clue, didn't know. And it was so funny because later in life, like, he became this legend, and I was like. I was at one of his first shows at Grant, and I knew coolness.
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And he didn't know me.
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And even later in life, I realized that you are actually the sibling of somebody that I hung out with in school, and I had no clue. But I got Mr. We got Mr. Terrence Coolness Scott in the building. You know, I'm talking about. This is a power couple. They are both community advocates. They are both business. Business, like, have, like, an entrepreneurship mindset, like this marketing genius, both of them. And we've got this healthcare guru, and we've got this music, like, icon, international legend. I feel like we're in the presence of the Carter.
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I'm just saying. I'm just trying to be like, Them when I grow up. We still trying to figure out love. So thank you for being here.
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That part. So that is our intro to you guys, and we are so happy. We've been trying to get you on the show for a minute, and so we are really pleased to have y' all here in our new space. You know what I'm saying? So this is exciting. Thank you so much for joining us. Nicole, I want you to take it away.
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I mean, you kind of said it all. I mean, I did not know Mr. Annette before I met Keela. Keila and I go back to elementary school, quite literally. We played basketball together. We've just been. I remember sleepovers at the house.
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Good times.
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We go back and really good friend. And, you know, her husband is just amazing. I've had a chance to chop it up with both of them, and I'm just. I'm really happy you guys are here.
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Over. LOUD MUSIC over oh, gosh.
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So, yes, we. We officially met in dc, I think, back in November.
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Okay.
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And, you know, Keela's like, yeah, let's go out and just have a little cocktail. Just, you know, pick a place. And so I gave him some places. I was like, well, you know, there's Ben's next door.
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Right.
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That's a cool spot.
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People like to go to iconic place.
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In D.C. and it's like a Tuesday night. Okay. It's not even a Friday or Saturday. It's just a regular day. So I'm thinking it shouldn't be too bad. And I get there, and they were already seated, but they're seated in the back, and I feel like they were sitting on a speaker, but, yo, the speaker was across the room. It was just that loud. And we. We had to move. I was like, yo, we getting old. Talking about the music. It was awfully loud, but they were having a great time. Music was up. We ended up walking to the front of the house, and it was still loud up there, but it was better. We made it work. We sat and we just talked, and it was cool. So. But, yeah, that was. I'm just saying, they. They were going in on a Tuesday.
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I love it. Well, we're here to talk about just this power couple dynamic of two individuals who have amazing careers. How do you make it work? And even more specifically, how do you make it work with somebody who was in the music industry? Because that's difficult. And you are a manager of somebody that is also very iconic. I don't know if we're allowed to mention names or anything. Okay. You're e 40s manager, like the Bay Area king, You know what I'm saying? So it's like. But like, trying to figure out how you guys navigate marriage and family and friendships and business when you guys both have a lot going on in general. And so we're just kind of here to learn more about that. Learn more about you guys. And we want to know.
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Yeah, tell us your story. How did you guys actually meet?
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Okay, how about I take on the first half, and when I get to Popeyes, you pick it up?
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Oh, man, this has got to be good. Cheers.
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So we both shared a friend who worked in radio. Hey, Monique. And Monique and I go way back. Really good friends. They met through work. And so one day, Monique and I are in church, and we're standing up, praying, and we talking because, you know, we friends. We freaking frag Kiki and all the time. And she's like, girl. So my friend, he's looking for a woman. And I told him about you, how amazing you are. He's just looking for a really good woman. His name is Terrence. And I was like, well, girl, if you're looking for an amazing woman, look at all these beautiful women up in this church. Hook him up with somebody.
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Just taking you out the equation.
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Yeah, I was just like, hook him up with somebody. And then she was like, no, I just think you'd be a great suit. He's, you know, in the industry. His name is Cool Nuts. But, you know, I was like. I said, what'd you say his name was? And she was like, coolness is. No, what's his real name? She's like, terence. I said, oh, that's a nice name, but hook him up with somebody in here. Not phase. So we go to a party, and at the party, he. Monique is there. He. She comes up with him, and she's like, hey, Keela, this is Terrence. Always telling you about Terrence. This is Keela.
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And.
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And then he just started talking to me about my business, like, he know me. And I was like, excuse me. And so I think I might have been, like, really shady the first time that we met, because I was like, I don't know who he is and what you doing talking to me about my own business. But obviously, him and Monique was doing a whole lot of talking that she didn't quite tell me about.
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I love best friends.
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So it did not go anywhere from that first encounter. So I'm gonna take y' all back. Not to date us a little bit, but MySpace.
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Oh, my God.
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He was trying to Be in your top eight.
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Okay, I see. One way or another, somehow he. He slides in my MySpace inbox. DM. I don't even know what it was called, what it was called after messages. Messenger. And he was like, you know, eventually, you know, we're just chatting back and forth and. And he asked me what I was up to. And I said, you know, I'm just really busy with my career. I'm a single mom. I had a really small child at the time. She was about 4 years old. And I was like, I'm working on some community health equity advocacy events. I have an event coming up. And I was just like, I'm just really a busy, hard working single mom. He replies back, I saw a whole paragraph that I sent him of all the things that I've been doing.
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You know, that's what we do as women.
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He's like, bet.
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No, even better. He replies back, single question out of.
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All the.
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Whole paragraph. I'm talking about all this great community advocacy stuff I'm doing. He's all, he sees a single girl. Then he sends me the following. Single question mark. A picture of myself on the red carpet. What? At some event with this very tight fitting dress on. And the curvaceous was curving.
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Okay.
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And just sends me this picture.
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No context, no context. Like, I see you, I see you.
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You have been seen.
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And you know, me and my friend.
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I'm like, all right, I'm picking up what you putting in.
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So through a lot of talking, he invites me out to a couple of events. They're cool, you know. And then one night at an event, after an event, I think it was something to the effect like, hey, do you want to hang out? And then we leave the event. I was like, okay, this is the address to my place. Meet me there. And then I called him on the way home. It's like, hey, I'm stopping at Popeye's. Do you want something?
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Which one?
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The good one across from Safeway.
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And then I'll let you take it from there.
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And no, and that was the, that was the, the, the. Because most of the time people don't. Especially if they don't really know you like that they don't think of you.
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Right.
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So when she called and was like, hey, do you want something? You know what I mean? And because. And a lot of the times, a lot of females too, like, they're like, I don't know him. I wouldn't buy.
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Even if it's supposed to be buying me something.
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Yeah. Even if it's Just pop, you know what I mean? And I was like. I was like, oh, okay. She's cool. You know what I mean? Cause the thing is, I got to her house before she got there, so I was just waiting. And then, you know, somehow I just ended up making it there before her. But she called and asked me, did I want something? And the thoughtfulness of that, especially from somebody, is a female, because a lot of times it's the other way, you know what I mean?
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Your heart with a two piece, spicy and a biscuit.
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I think it was a wing. I think it was a wing box.
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I think you got the wing fling.
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Red beans and rice. You know what I mean? So it was just one of those things where I appreciate thoughtfulness when people think of you without you having to say something, you know? Cause a lot of the times, a lot of people would just show up with the food and be like, oh, my bad.
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I didn't know you was gonna stop somewhere.
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I didn't know you was hungry, you know? But the fact that she had called an ass, I was like, that was impressive. Yeah.
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Yeah. So. So after that, then what, y' all just started kicking it for real? He was like, you got me, Popeyes. Let's go somewhere nice.
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We spent a lot of time together in a very respectful place, right? Like, we didn't, you know, immediately go into, like, anything physical. It was just a really solid amount of time just having conversations, talking on the phone, in person. I remember we. We would, like, cook. And at this time, we were like, on this margarita kick. That was super fun. But one thing I admired and appreciated about him so much was that of the respect that he had for my daughter in our space, right, Our home. It was just my daughter and I at the time. Like, I said, she was about 4 years old. And he. As the relationship to grow and blossom, he said, I would love to meet your daughter, but I want to meet her on even field, right? Not just like I pop up and I show up in her space in her home to meet her. So we set up a date.
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Smart man.
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But also some of that was also like, I think, you know, when you meet somebody and you have a kid, even on her part, her being mindful of, you know, you just not introducing anybody to your kids too quick. You know what I mean? So it was one of those things too, where it was just like, okay, we need to get to know each other. And then even as it applied to her, you know, yeah, absolutely.
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And so when we finally got to that point where we Felt like, you know, this is really getting serious. And we set up the date, and it was. This is. This date is what was the indication that this is the man who God sent me and who I needed to marry, who was for me. And so we set up a date, and he actually chose a location. He said, let's meet at Chuck E. Cheese. He just wanted a daughter's heart.
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Right, Right. He knew what he was doing.
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But here's the kick. So we had a date at Chuck E. Cheese. And when I seen this grown man.
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Oh, he was having fun in the.
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Slide in the ball pit.
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And not just the slide, the tunnel slide.
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Oh, this was back when they had a little.
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Yeah, the whole place touching, and it's a narrow space. He just groaned up in the tunnel's like having a ball.
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Oh, my God.
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With my daughter. I just. Just sat in all. And I was like, he's. He's the one. Yeah, he's the one. Oh, I love that.
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So intentional. That is so intentional.
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Okay.
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Okay. So how long did you guys date before you guys started to take that next step to get engaged or. And. And what was that like? What was that engagement?
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It was probably, what, like, two years or something? It was like two years. And how did.
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First of all, I thought it was gonna happen in Maui, and all my friends did, too. But you said it would be too predictable for it to happen there.
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Yeah, yeah. So we waited till Christmas. I waited till Christmas. And she was also pregnant and wanted to make sure, you know, make sure stuff was right.
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Gotcha.
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You know what I mean? Between us and just our family as well, you know, and. Cause I feel like in so many ways, you know, in our community, a lot of the times things aren't handled that way, you know, having kids, you know, stepping into other people's lives, and kids don't have a certain view or certain image of their parents or, you know, or the father figure or the mother figure, however it comes together or a blended family and different stuff like that. So I wanted to make it special, you know, special for her and also want her to know that, like, I was, you know, I was taking it serious. Especially with us building a family, you know, that we're not playing house or.
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And I was at that baby shower, too. We got phones, yo.
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I was like.
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I was like, oh, this is an elevated baby shower. Well, V. Tex, we were so nice.
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Oh, that's right. We did. That's right. Shout out Tom. Yeah. Shout out Tom, my guy. Yeah. That's crazy. I forgot about that.
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No, One forgot about that.
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It's been a lot of. A lot of stuff.
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Yeah.
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And so you mentioned, of course, when you guys got engaged that you were expecting at the time. Is it hard to navigate your guys work schedules and your family.
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You want to?
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Well, yeah, at the time of engagement, I was. We just recently had just found out I was pregnant. So it was very early on, but just kind of fast forwarding. If I think about the time when the kids were small. Right. Just taking away pregnancy, like we had our son Max. The kids were small. And throughout our entire existence and ever since the kids have been little, my husband's career has taken him away from home.
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Right.
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He has to travel in order to make money and support our family. And that is what I signed up for, marrying the man that I married. And so. But that, that does not mean that it's easy. Right. I would be lying if I said that that was easy. The kids, it's what they know. Right. They don't know anything else. They know that dad is gone for work a lot. Right. So it's not. It's not like that is our normal. It might not be normal for every family. It might not be. It's not traditional. Right. I have friends who have husbands in the military, and when their husbands are on assignment, it looks very different, but there's some similarities there.
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Yeah.
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And so it is all we know. Yeah.
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But I know, I'm not sure specifically for you, but I know for you, Keila, in growing up, like you had two parents in your home and it looked very different because of their careers. Did you expect to have that home life? Like what you saw growing up, was it hard making that transition? Even though now today, you know, like, this is what I signed up for, this is what I'm used to. But it's not like you had that as an example. Was that transition hard? And I'm not sure. Were both your parents kind of around and had like the traditional mom and dad at home?
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All sorts of things. Yeah. I grew up with my grandparents and definitely had the view of two parents working, coming home. Did you want to answer a question or did you want me to Go ahead. I think one of the things. I think one of the things for us is even with what I do, I think we have always made an intentional effort to always kind of spend time together or so like, if I went on tour, you know, when I'm coming back off tour, we're doing something, whether it's taking the kids to Disneyland or taking the kids to Orlando or A trip to the beach or, or, you know, or we're just making sure that we're. Me and her will go do something. So it's not like. Or they might meet me somewhere, you know, like when we did a tour when he was first born and I was in Seattle.
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Yeah, he was on that tour was Kendrick Lamar, Tech9E 4E J Rock. And I remember driving to Seattle, Max has a baby and you know, he's managing all these guys on the tour bus and like kids, Kendrick sitting there, he's like, hey, Kendrick, you know, this is, you know, my wife, this is my son Max. And they all know who we are and they know about Max. I mean, like, everybody knows me.
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Not the baby was on tour, you.
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Know, so him coming to Seattle, them coming to meet me in Seattle, or. We've just always made it a point that, you know, of course, like I said, I'm moving around a lot. But at the same time, whether it be spending time, you know, with our daughter, spending time with my. With our son, and us spending time together as a family or holidays and different things like that, having intentional time where we're spending time as a family, you know, literally every. Cause her dad's birthday is fourth of July. So we're together. Fourth of July with the family, we're together. All the birthdays of the kids and the grandkids, we're together. Thanksgiving, Christmas, we just were all together. Easter. So it's a lot of times where it's not like, where it's this dysfunctional, you know, what people would perceive as this rap life or music life, it's.
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More like we're very family oriented. One thing, if I can add to that is going back to the question about being raised in a two parent household. We both were raised in a two parent household. And being black and raised, even if you're raised by a single black woman, because black women are so strong and they're powerful and they're nurturing and we work extremely hard to really build a strong foundation. Right. And nowadays you're seeing more common. They're single fathers, right. That are raising their children. So it's not to take away anything of how powerful that is. And honestly, single parents have to work twice as hard. But that said, there is something so important and invaluable about being raised in a two parent household, especially with black parents. Having a strong black father is one of the greatest blessings, the greatest blessing I have ever received in my life. Right. Because he's built that strong foundation of what the example is to have love from a black man. Come on. And so even when I was out here before I met my husband and I was just, just doing the most, right, and not having like that value of what it really, it made it really easy for me to identify who my husband was. Because, you know, they say that when women, you know, marry or date or, you know, they're, they're. And when they're serious about, they're often trying to find the representation of their father. Right. For better or for worse. Because it could be what they missed that they're longing for. And it's very true. And they're yearning for. Or it could be like, my father has set this example for me and I'm not falling anything short of that. And that is what he showed, how he showed up, right. Like, he has a lot of like those values that my father has. And so when it comes to that two parent family structure, it has allowed us to set a very strong foundation. Like, you know, you have couples that might disagree on several different things. Like, there's major things, whether it's like how you raise the children or even discipline children, finances, like the major things that can cause couples to divorce. Fundamentally, we've never wavered. We've always been aligned in how we raise our family, like how we raise our children. And so then just tying into what it is that you were saying about, like the holidays, my husband and I, we've always hosted. We've hosted for 15 years both the Slaughter and the Scott family for Christmases, Thanksgiving, Easters. We have been the hub for our families to come together. And it's just been a really beautiful. It's been a beautiful thing that's meant so much to our family.
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I was gonna ask that because I know, because I know your family personally been around, you know, so I know how you all get down and how y' all are together and everything. And I, you know, I'm not familiar with how you all. So I wondered how you guys navigated spending time blending families and blending those families, not just your own family, but like your actual additional family members. How does that come together? So you're saying that you guys are like the glue for.
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We're the glue.
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The both families. That's. That is so amazing. I love that. I love the fact that you talk about how it's your daughter, you know, because you mentioned that she was young when you guys met, but you have really stepped in that role for her. And has that been a difficult transition at all? At any point in time where it was like. Has it ever felt like stepdad vibes? Or has it always been like, this is my dad? Like, how does that work?
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No, never. There's never been. Because again, you know, like, when we first met, like, she said, you give her the space. I gave her the space to. When she wanted to introduce her to me. You know what I mean? Where's she at? Let me. You know, and then. And then as we. Me and her relationship naturally evolved, you know, into what it is, you know, just every day, spending time, taking her to school, doing different things like that. And we have that kind of a bond that's been natural and organic, you know, and it's never been no separation, you know, And I'm not. I don't treat her like that, and she doesn't treat me like that.
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Listen, they tighter than me and her.
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At times, you know, I'm. Mama, can I get some time with my husband?
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No, like, you know, mother and daughters, like, your mama's gonna be like her dad. Like, that is her confident. I mean, I am, too, but it's just different. They have a very special relationship and honor. And I, you know, that's them.
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Yeah, right.
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I'm over here on the side.
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So we talked. We talked a little bit about how, you know, your job is a little less structured in the sense that tours are never, like, the same constantly, but. But, Keila, your job is structured where it's very 9 to 5 and. Well, I think 9 to 5. How do you manage when your husband's out of town and it's just you this day, and the world is falling apart and the kids can't get here because you can't be in two places at once. Did you just have a really strong support team to help you out and step in in those moments, or do you just put that cape on and rock out?
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That's a great question, and thank you for answering that question. I want to be very transparent about that question, because I know social media, especially Instagram and all that, it just makes everything look so beautiful and easy. And parenthood is hard, right? Especially, you know, a lot of times for the mothers. A lot of things with the children do fall on the mothers just because of just rather societal norms or just even the human nature of the nurturer as a woman. But our support system, our family, that hub is so strong. My husband just lost his grandmother who raised him just a couple weeks ago. Thank you. And she was the matriarch of our family, and when our kids were smaller, she really poured into Us and had that space, that home where our kids were able to go. So that way I can go do what I needed to do for work in my career while he was away. Right? So we had that strong hub also my mother, his mother, they both were equally active in supporting us. I love that. Because they knew, right? They knew how this. It took a village. It really takes a village to raise children. And we trust in our village. We got a. We got a damn good village. And that's a blessing. Everyone doesn't have that facts. But that being said, that cape was worn. That cape was worn. But I would also say that in relationships, as it applies to children and career, it's ebb and flow, right? So there's a give and a get. There are times in my career I have to take. I've taken a demotion in order to have the flexibility in my schedule to be able to be there after school to pick up my children. Right. Me taking a demotion allows my husband then to push his career forward, to go out, be gone, make more money, so that way our family can be stable and we have everything that we need. There were times in my career or his career where I, you know, to go pursue my education. He then took less work to be available for me to go further my education and pursue my degree. So when I say ebb and flow, it's always the give is the give and take, right? And it's. It's hardly ever like when people say 50, 50, it ain't ever 50, 50 at the same time, right? It's going to be 80, 20, it's going to be 70 or like, and if you keep in score. That's not that part. That's not. We're not doing that.
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We just say 100, 100, I give 100, you give 100, we make it work.
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How did the two of you handle conflicts? Because, you know, of course there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. And there's always disagreements when you have two different minds. What is your problem solving, resolution look like for your family and your marriage?
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Well, you better than that than me. So go ahead and tell your revenue.
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I mean, I think it's really just being understanding and patient and taking the time to be able to address things, like with a clear head, not saying and doing things that are going, you know, create more issues and trying to understand it. Like if I'm not going nowhere, she's not going anywhere, then it has to be a remedy, you know what I mean? Or. And both of us kind of Having that, that mindset. So trying to make sure that there's. That there is understanding.
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Yeah.
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Do you. Do you kind of like allow your children to witness maybe not the argument like the. At the height of it, but maybe like the conflict and also we'll have them witness how you guys resolve things.
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Yeah, they have, they have. We're very close family. I would say this. He. I have learned so much from my husband. Like, he is one of my greatest teachers in life that has helped me to become a better person.
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Seriously, teaching it.
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Not teacher nuts.
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I don't know. Maybe, you know, and some of that is like lived experience. Like, he's older than me and so. But he'll let me, like, I'm gonna do it my way. Look at his face.
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He was like, like, I'm gonna do it.
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I'm gonna do it my way. I'm do it this way. And he knows, like, well, that ain't gonna work. But he don't like, be like quite like that ain't gonna work. He just kind of like allows me to figure out it ain't gonna work. And then instead of like, I told you so. Although he'd be kind of like, what he said, I told you so. He helps me to course correct. But in terms of conflict, what he's taught me. So I grew up in a family of. It was four of us in terms of siblings. Right. I have an older sister and two younger brothers. And we grew up, we would like fight like cats and dogs and then five minutes later we school. Yep. Because you ain't gonna be mad at each other up in your parents house. Right. You know, and if somebody messed with my brother or my sister, like, it's always.
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It's a problem.
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Yeah. Like, we had like, we can fight like crazy and fl. Five minutes later, like, we were, we were cool. He grew up with his grandparents and he grew up as an only child. In terms, he was the only kid in the house. So he didn't fight with his siblings like cats and dogs. The way that we fought and was cool five minutes later.
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Right.
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So when we got marrying, you know, I would be like, you know, we have our argument, disagreement, I might say some stuff, you know, as women, our tongues feel. It's just sharp.
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I have no idea.
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Right.
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What you talking about? Not us.
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And then afterwards, five minutes later, I'm like, so what do you want to do today?
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I'm over it now.
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What you want to eat?
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And he like, hello.
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I thought we were mad at each other.
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What's going on Here. No, not just five minutes later. He been like three months later. Was like, you know what?
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Remember that thing you said at 5:55?
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And I'm like, what are you talking about? Like, we've been fine. All like, I didn't say anything. And then I had to learn how to have conflicts with him and how to argue. Right. How to have conflict. And it's something that I still work on. Right. Because I think certain things are just embedded in your DNA from your foundation. But he has taught me I have to be mindful because what I am used to when I think is normal, it's not his normal. It wasn't his normal. That's.
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That's a really good point though, because everybody has different processes in how they deal with stuff. I know there was a guy that I was seeing where he was. He wanted to argue in the moment, and he wanted to say all the things that were on the top of his mind. Whereas me, I'm like, let's come back to this.
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Let's take a beat.
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Let's calm down and all that.
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It's just.
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Is different style of communicating because I'm like, well, hold on. Let's not argue with our emotions. Let's have a conversation, you know, about the issue. And so just, I guess understanding how to manage those disagreements is not easy. And so we broke up. And I'm glad you guys figured out the formula.
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His patience. He's taught me patience, but he says I've taught him grace. That's so sweet.
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Well, because I'm more of a. When people do stuff, I kind of like, look at it for, like, I look at it like this. If you are saying and doing certain things, this is how you feel, or these are your actual. This is your actual position on stuff or thoughts. And I sometimes have to get to a point where I have to give, you know, give people grace. Because also a little bit of the business that I'm in, there's a lot of, like, you know, what's the word?
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Cutthroat.
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Cutthroat, backstabbing. It's a lot of. Yeah, and. And. And people feel certain ways about stuff. Or. Or. And they. Or they might not be upfront about it or. Or the music business kind of can cause people to behave in ways like people are pursuing their dreams or chasing things that are, you know, their passion or hunger can get in the way of Sometimes you're thinking. And just sometimes I can approach stuff from that position where, oh, well, no, I'm not gonna deal with that. So let Me remove myself versus giving people a little more room or a little more space or I guess either, like I said, like she said, Grace, to be able to. Be able to work through things in that way, or sometimes just more room for you to. I don't want to sometimes be who you are or understand who you are and say, okay, well, that's who they are. They're gonna do that type of stuff, and I just either have to deal with them in a different way or give them the room to be who they're gonna be and not maybe take it as, you know, as personal as I might take certain stuff, you know, Because I always look. I look down the road a little bit more. Okay, if you're doing this. In this situation, what would you do in this situation?
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Yeah.
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You know, that's funny you say that.
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Like, a lot of.
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Some of the men that we've talked to on the show that tend to have, like, a better take on relationships also say they have a lot of foresight. Like, they have, like, a lot of. They are forward thinkers, but was used in but four thinkers, where they can see something ahead of time, where they're, like, able to plan for something. Where in the relationship, they're like, okay, I. I know where we're going with this, or I know where we're going to land with this. So I'm going to handle it in a different way because I see that even though my partner might not see that vision, but I see that a lot of men who tend to have a more calm demeanor maybe, or are good with relational interactions with people and stuff like that, they tend to see.
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Forward more than we do. Yeah.
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So now that the two of you are. Oh, geez in marriage, you know what I mean? Like, you ain't new to this. In the beginning of your marriage or in the beginning of your courtship, were there ever any issues with feeling insecure with your husband being on the road and constantly around people that are just wanting to latch on because, you know, he is who he is and he has connections who he has. I mean, was that hard for you to move into that space of being a celebrity wife, so to say?
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No, it wasn't, because my husband does not put himself in those positions to make me feel insecure and uncomfortable. We've always had a very close and open line of communication. We've always talked on the phone from day one, and we still talk on the phone every day to this day. So it's just really like, who he is and what he has shown. He never Showed me any reason to feel insecure. That being said, in terms of people latching onto him, one thing that I'm very well aware of and I think you have to be, it's important to be if you are with somebody who is a public figure. I share my husband with the world, right? Right. And when I say that, like, I don't share him in terms of like, I am his only wife and he is my only husband, right? We share that relationship that no one else has. But in terms of, you know, cool nuts, right? The celebrity, the, you know, rapper, the all, the Persona, all the things, like there are a lot of people along his 30 plus year career who have relationships with him. He also has fans, right? People who are fans of his music, his artistry and in who he is. And so there are people that were there before me who have their own stories and experiences and that is undeniable, right. I think music is very powerful, right? Music, you know, it is, it transcends emotion and it gets people through some of their darkest times. It brings people back to a time when their life where things were happy. Like music is related to every sense of emotion that there is. Right. Music can heal people. Right. And it feels people in different ways. And so that being said, I think it's important to allow people to have, have those relationships with him. This is a part of his gift and his artistry. And it's not, I don't get in the way of that. I would never do that. So I just think that it just comes with it, comes with understanding.
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But do you ever, do you ever find that you run into some fake friends, people that are befriending you simply because they want your lifestyle and they think we friends by association, it's a.
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Come up or something, I'd be watching, I'd be like, go ahead girl. I remember when you was like, look.
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At you at the loo.
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No more lusters over here, you know what I'm saying?
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But I mean, do you have a hard time navigating personal friendships because of that?
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That's a great question. My sister says that she's aware of people who ask her things about like, oh, your sister this, your sister that. And yes, I've had, you know, women, you know, make mention. I remember one time a woman said to me, she's like, oh, I thought you were just a housewife. And I'm like, I got a 20 plus year career in the healthcare industry, right. However, so no, I'm not just a housewife. Right? But here's the thing I don't, working in the industry that I'm in and what I wholeheartedly like, my life's mission is about health equity. I work in the healthcare industry, 20 plus career. My life's mission is all around health equity. Right. And so what I mean by health equity is making sure that health care is equitable. And also there are a lot of health issues, systematic and conditions and even diseases that are preventable, but they are black people and brown people are disproportionately impacted. Right. And it's also, it's not even if we think about like the social, economic aspects, it also drills down to your zip code. Right. And really then what that, what we mean by that is really comes to an action like, do you have access to the proper care that can keep you alive? Right. So when I think about like my life's missions and the work that I'm here to do is really to be an advocate and a voice to help to bridge the gap, to eliminate those healthcare disparities. And so, and so with that type of career and that type of work, there's not a whole bunch of showboating to do because there's so much work to do. My husband, his career is more public facing and so I allow that to shine on his own. But that being said, one thing about the both of us that I firmly believe that he believes and I believe my husband knows that I can stand alone in a room and my husband can stand alone in a room. Yeah. And when we stand together, we understand not just the power, but the responsibility that comes with it. Yeah. Okay.
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Well, I love that.
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I do. I'm wondering, like, what ways are you able to leverage your platform to kind of support her career and her, her vision and her goals and things that she's working on. Because we know that you've got this amazing platform, but she's got this work that is amazing in its own right. But you know, how do you support her goals and visions?
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I mean, I think it's, it comes down to, that's the thing about partnerships is each person, when you come together to a table, you both bring something. You're not just both showing up to eat off the table. You both bring something to the table. And I feel like that's what our relationship has been like. Yeah. The stuff I do, like she said, is more public facing or you know, he's a musician or we see him doing this, but it's a lot of the times like, like for instance, when she's doing stuff with north by northeast. You know, she might bring opportunity my way, where I'm hosting the gala thing or whatever and doing stuff like that. And then certain things she might be doing, like, if it comes to different events or different things like that, how I can support her with, oh, this graphic designer can help you put this together. Or, you know, when she was doing Portland and Rose, which love that we.
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Featured that shirt with the shirts on the podcast.
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There's more coming back from Portland and Rose.
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Something growing, but finding ways to utilize my resources to help her carry out stuff and then vice versa. Like, I learned a lot in terms of, like, she's very good with, like, event planning and her eye to detail and stuff and stuff that when I'm moving and doing stuff, I'm just moving, trying to get it done. Like, you know, I'm not an interior decorator. I'm not, you know, I don't.
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It's the Virgo in Virgo.
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I don't know the aesthetics and all of that. And. And a lot of the time, she. You know, she's very good with that type of stuff. So it's. It's kind of a union of things that come together to help each other. So it's. It's. As she's doing stuff, she. We lean on each other in different ways. Like, I might ask her, hey, can you help me with this? Or, you know, she. Same thing. She might ask me, hey, I'm working on this. Can you help me with this? So we try to be available to each other to make sure that we're lending that support, because it all comes back into the same place, you know, if her stuff is successful, it benefits our family. If my stuff is successful, it benefits our family. You know?
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Well, you know, one thing I actually just recently saw in how, you know, Keila has stepped in and helped you with your career is that she dropped a track.
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Wait, what?
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She's a singer.
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Evidently overpowering.
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Because you know how we love ours, right?
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So she's being super modest here because evidently she's, like, Grammy nominated. No, I'm totally. It's totally tongue in cheek. But I want to hear this story because y' all posted it, and I was like, girl, let me find out. KE has a record.
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I missed it.
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She has a whole record out there. I'm playing.
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Algorithm is not Algorithm.
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It was.
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Was.
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Tell me the story on the cutting floor. Go ahead and do the story. Never again.
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We were at the studio. We were at the studio one day working on some music. Me. It was me. Her maniac and we were in there working on some music, and, you know people, they get that wild hair that they can sing.
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No, you guys needed someone to demo.
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You said you could do the chorus.
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You said you guys need a female.
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You said you could sing it. She said she could sing it.
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She said, I got this.
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And so she got in there, and I wish Maniac was here to tell it.
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Oh, man.
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But it was like. She was like, is that me? Is that what it.
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Really? You didn't recognize you, girl? When the engineer played it back in the booth, you got the headphones on, and I'm singing the track, and I'm just like, I know I sound like Beyonce. Oh, no. This is supposed to be fired.
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Like, they're real social media. When it be like, they be singing and then they take the headphones off.
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And that's. And that's exactly what it was. That's exactly what it was.
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I'm talking n. I'm like, oh, yeah.
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I can't wait to hear me on this track.
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Like, we fit to go platinum.
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Oh, my gosh.
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That engineer must have played it back. I said, who is that?
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Take the reverb out of that one, right? Add the echo.
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Listen, I say him. Maniac. And even the engineers on the floor.
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Yeah.
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Damn.
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They couldn't even sugarcoat it for nothing.
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It was horrible. Oh, man.
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See, but that's the thing. But that's the thing is, even within. Even within our family dynamic, like, we going, we going to laugh at each other.
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So after he sent video to the whole family, we going laugh.
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We going, We. We. We going to laugh at each other.
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As she's like, girl, it's been burnt. We do not have it. There are no samples anywhere. I was like, let me get to the Google machine. How do I find.
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Find this.
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It is in somebody's cloud. I mean, you could just do it right now, right?
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That was so did you actually ever. Did you ever produce that song? I mean, not with Kila on it, but did. Did that song ever come out?
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Yeah, we did. We. I did. I think that was for Maniac's record.
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And he went back in there and sung it better than me.
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Or he either had some. Yeah, he either sang it or he had somebody else do it.
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That is.
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Now I want to go find the song just to be like, so, Kela, this was you?
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This was you?
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That is amazing.
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May. I was like, that's you, sis.
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That's you, sis. That's you, sis.
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Oh, my God.
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Hilarious question about us supporting each other's Career. He is like my think tank.
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Okay?
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To a fault.
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